Keep Fit, Pleasure and the Pain Myth Industry: A short #Twitstory.

I’m a keep fitter, attend a powerlift class and yoga every week. Crow pose, sure. But then a variation on the eight engle pose came up. I tried it and there was a twitch around my back.

An hour later it’s like someone shooting arrows up my back. So I’m advised to take pain killers, a hot bath and a heat patch. I manage the pain for about a week, gently massaging and using child poses to alleviate the symptoms. It’s working until my “small-calf-load” backpack aggravates the initial feelings.

“You better see a doctor” says the salesperson with a trace of concern at the chemist who now recognises me as I buy another heat patch as if Brexit will cause a shortage.

Then my colleague Gavin recommends me to this guru. Sounds all good to be true, but Garreth is some ninja physio/ Osteo. He puts me on a sensor plate to observe my weight distribution and how still I stand. I’m in the limits, but let’s see about this back pain.

This is where I spend the period gazing at Garreth with utter shock. Gareth is able to turn the pain on and off. No, correction Gareth is able to turn my reception of the pain on and off. He calls it hacking at the software of the body — the nerves. OMG, WTF.

I‘m so struck I immediately recommend him to a friend. It may not last what I’m doing, he says, because after getting to the nerves, we’ll have to look at other things. I leave happy. I even incorporate this into my lecture on Storytelling and Neuroscience.

My bloody rucksack has brought back the pain and I can’t see Gareth. I’m also going to have to miss powerlift and yoga. Missing it gives me withdrawal symptoms, but I need to get my back looked at. I find an Osteo on the high street and walk in and am introduced to Nick.

Shall I book an appointment? Nick says well let’s hear you first. After my “Gilmore Girls” moment ( watch Netflix), Nick says. Yea sounds like you’ve torn a muscle. It happens, but the deep heat isn’t helping you, or the hot bath. Huh?

Why do you think rugby players have an ice bath after a match? The stinging pain comes from the tear inflaming and contacting with nerves. To heal yourself get yourself a bag of peas. Five minutes over time. So the heat patch is basically marketing blabber? Er yes! It’s a myth.

I turn from potential patient now to journo. How can you get it to heal faster? You know what an ultra sound is says Nick. Sure, I say. Well you operate between 1–3 Htz to treat injuries. But if you put it at 1.73 Htz it can heal injuries like a bone fracture in two weeks.

If you’re a pro footballer on £500,000 a week, the team can’t afford to keep you off the bench, so a 1.73 htz it is. Trouble is it cost about £17,000 for treatment. Gasp, I say. Why 1.73? Nick says, no one knows? We’re still finding out.

You might often get the symptoms around four in the morning, waking you up. Some people make a cup of tea and go back to bed and sleep peacefully citing the cup of tea as the panacea. No! You actually getting up and walking is helping loosen up the muscle.

I want to do a story around this. Nick says sure. Here’s my card. Sometime people think we’re quacks, so I’ll take you to our advance centre. We’re learning a lot from the Australians who have the highest Osteo’s per population. Iced peas it is then. Yep.

Come next week if the pain’s still there. I’m now surrounded by peas as if Brexit will cause a shortage. Missing Yoga, but trying some small moves at home. I guess I need to take it easier some more. Yoga injuries do happen, as I’m finding out here.

Stay fit, stay safe!